|
Sydney_Iron 5:27 Sat Jul 4
What stupid thing did you do today
|
|
Went to the gym today but forgot my undies, when finished my workout and had showered I put my jeans on and did something I haven’t done since a boy, pulled the Zip up and…..AHHHHHHHHHHHH, only went and caught a bit of foreskin in it!, hurt like fuck but then the panic set in and I struggled for a few seconds to think which way I should pull the Zip to release the skin, thankfully logic prevailed and I pulled down instead of up! But it did take some thinking about……
Walked out of the gym as if I had just ridden a horse for 12 hours as the raw flesh rubbed against the jeans, even with pants on it’s still a bit uncomfortable.
|
|
|
Replies - In Chronological Order ( Show Newest Messages First)
Ronald_antly
6:37 Sat Jul 4
Re: What stupid thing did you do today
|
I opened this thread.
|
Coffee
6:56 Sat Jul 4
Re: What stupid thing did you do today
|
Is this the OFFICIAL 'My dick hurts' thread?
|
Sydney_Iron
7:24 Sat Jul 4
Re: What stupid thing did you do today
|
Yes Coffee, and Yes it still stings a bit, especially when i walk, sitting at the PC its not so bad, but no Youporn today!.
|
Ronald_antly
7:45 Sat Jul 4
Re: What stupid thing did you do today
|
No knob wiping on the screen, I'll wager.
|
Banjo
7:51 Sat Jul 4
Re: What stupid thing did you do today
|
Ouch, my eyes are watering with empathy Sydders.
A few years ago I had a " terrible toilet" moment the memory of which still haunts me to this very day.
I was in Mooloolaba airport and just finished a most satisfying shite, fuelled with too much alcohol the day before. I was flying back to Sydney and the firm had me flying business, so I was feeling special. As I stood up to do the paperwork ( yeah, I am and clasp and wipe sort of bloke) I sensed a little bit of RIchard fall from its precarious position, clinging to the side of my bottle. Thing is, I never heard a splash! I carried on regardless , finished the paper work, put myself in order and tucked in the tee shirt ( was it was that long ago? ) and walked to the gate lounge, whilst whistling merrily.
AS I sat down, after walking through the airport to the gate lounge I was enveloped in a smell of shite. I looked around, couldn't see any anywhere (!) and carried on behind my sunglasses. When I took up my seat ( 1A.....yes) the shitty smell was still apparent. Just like the pantomime " it's behind you" was going thru my mind. To cut a long story short, we landed, I got a cab back to hmm home and this smell, just a faint waft of shit, was omnipresent. My wife greeted me and, from behind me she said, "What is that stain on the top of your jeans?" .That was the moment that I realised that the little dollop of shite that I assumed have gone down the crapper had in fact taken up residence on my jeans, just above where my bum is. It dawned on me that the smell that had been accompanying me home and the source of which was apparent to any and all leaving me in the "very special" bucket for a good few hours.
Of course I worked through it with medication and some excellent counselling but I still have that feint smell of poo lurking in the deep recesses of my mind
|
Coffee
7:53 Sat Jul 4
Re: What stupid thing did you do today
|
Some things are better left unsaid.
|
Joke Whole
8:31 Sat Jul 4
Re: What stupid thing did you do today
|
I told him, "Pike".
|
Fortunes Hiding
9:17 Sat Jul 4
Re: What stupid thing did you do today
|
Banjo
Shit story.
|
mike hunt
10:24 Sat Jul 4
Re: What stupid thing did you do today
|
play golf and forgot my hat, luckily my mate had some sunscreen in his bag, or i'd have been proper fucked
|
64 65 66
11:00 Sat Jul 4
Re: What stupid thing did you do today
|
Told my wife she was fat.....looks like sunday dinner is beans on toast
|
Northern Sold
11:03 Sat Jul 4
Re: What stupid thing did you do today
|
Left a strongbow in the freezer and forgot about it.... looked like something from the film the Thing
|
The_Phantom
11:06 Sat Jul 4
Re: What stupid thing did you do today
|
Not sure i did anything stupid but very nearly.
Wife watching tennis and James Ward, British No.2 is playing and I nearly asked whose British No.1 then ?
|
Mad Dog
11:13 Sat Jul 4
Re: What stupid thing did you do today
|
I sprained my ankle jumping into a swimming pool
|
stoneman
11:17 Sat Jul 4
Re: What stupid thing did you do today
|
Called the umpire a cunt today, seemed like a good idea at the time.
|
jack flash
11:29 Sat Jul 4
Re: What stupid thing did you do today
|
Asked someone if they had my mobile number..........
as I was speaking to them on my mobile phone
Doh!
|
stirlinghammer
11:45 Sat Jul 4
Re: What stupid thing did you do today
|
Stone - were you batting or bowling?
|
Alfie
2:05 Sun Jul 5
Re: What stupid thing did you do today
|
Now You may well think sir that what i am about to impart be untruth , but i vouchsafe that each word and phrase is in the truth.
Having risen at prompt 8 of the clock i proceeded about my morning ablutions with the vigour borne of the sunlit morn.
I cleansed and pampered my genitals and teeth with oils, paste then powdered talcum, then adorned myself in garb befitting the clement conditions: tailored drill shorts, a cooling linen undershirt smocked over which was a towelling sports jacket, crested with a panamanian design hatment.
I then got atop my carriage, and sauntered off down the leafy lane t'wards Clostridge, the village at which i intended to purchase my morning repaste of a dozen young mackerel.
At the junction of Plemping where the road is crossed by the roman thoroughfare bent t'ward Lankwen Chine, i was assailed by a goose sir: a goose that can only be described as in the mid rile of an absolute frenzied orgy of destruction fury and fowl anger.
His language was of the worst naval kind and Strewn around and about him were several tins of Tennents Super and the dog endings of spliff cigarettes - constructed for the inhaling of cannabis. In short he was more off his tits than a snatched bra.
'Whatever can be the matter good young sir!?' I enquired of the angry goose, so wrapt in fury that his wings were flamping to & fro like a shithouse door in a gale, beer spittle flecking his little yellow beak like an unsightly face necklace.
'My fucking wife left me!!' he quacked back.
'Shes gone and fucked off with a young green breasted mallard, the bitch' was his half sobbed rejoinder.
'Come my young goose friend' said I then.
'Climb atop my carriage and join me for a pie and ale dinner in town. We shall drink till our guts collapse'.
With that - this young spurned goose clambered and flapped up by my side, where to this very day he is my bosom companion and travelling partner.
That fateful meeting took place a full eighteen calendar years since, and though both now grey about the temples to this day and time We zip about the villages of England getting drunk on ruddy duck ale and becoming coked off our faces / beaks as if our very existence depended upon it.
His name sir is Alain. My goose bredrin.
|
sanfrancis-co-uk
2:12 Sun Jul 5
Re: What stupid thing did you do today
|
So he was French?
|
Alfie
2:19 Sun Jul 5
Re: What stupid thing did you do today
|
Yes.
He migrated here during the revolution, fled across the channel and landed exhausted and half dead near some brambles in the marshes of the Dengie Peninsula - not far from Bradwell nuclear power installation.
many of his friends fell foul of the dread guillotine during the revolutionary upheaval but he managed to escape disguised as a diplomat in a scooner bound for the african leper colonies.
Found his way here on a unicycle piloted by a fleeing ostrich.
The only remnants for him of his french life are his jaunty little tatty red beret and the onion garland he escaped wearing.
|
sanfrancis-co-uk
2:22 Sun Jul 5
Re: What stupid thing did you do today
|
Hahaha!!!
|
|
|
|
